61 Handling Difficult Conversations (5.1.2/3)

Navigating Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations are a regular part of the workplace—from giving performance reviews to sharing bad news with a customer or offering feedback to a colleague.

It can be tempting to avoid these discussions. Wouldn’t sending an email—or even a quick text—be easier? If you feel like avoiding a conversation, take a moment to reflect on why. Many of the concepts from Chapter 1 can help you approach these situations, and the following tips are designed to support you during challenging interactions.

Shifting Your Mindset

Communication experts agree: how you think about a difficult conversation affects how it will go. If you expect the conversation to be tense or negative, it likely will be. Even if you try to hide your discomfort, your body language and tone may reveal it.

Instead, try reframing the conversation. For example, if you need to deliver disappointing news to your team, focus on encouraging a constructive outcome. A negative performance review can become an opportunity for the employee to understand expectations and grow. Viewing feedback as a chance to improve—rather than as criticism—can help reduce tension for everyone involved.

Sandwich Feedback Method

One helpful approach is the sandwich method—placing constructive feedback between two pieces of positive feedback. This structure makes the conversation feel more balanced and encourages you to prepare thoughtfully.

Example:

Jane, I appreciated the effort you made with the agenda and minutes from last week’s meeting. I know it was extra work, and I really value that you sent the agenda in advance and had the minutes prepared so quickly.

Can I share a suggestion about the minutes?

The minutes should follow the agenda and focus on key points, not every detail. I have a couple of resources that might help, and I’ll send them to you this afternoon.

I’m glad we’re talking—this gives us a chance to clarify expectations. You’re doing great work, and by streamlining the minutes, you’ll make our meetings even more effective.

Thanks again for taking this on. I’m confident you’ll make the changes easily. Let’s check in next week to see how it’s going and talk through anything else you need.

Feedback helps us grow, and I appreciate your effort. Any questions for me?

More Techniques for Handling Difficult Conversations

In addition to the sandwich method, these techniques can help you handle challenging discussions more effectively:

• Show genuine engagement. Listen actively and acknowledge the other person’s perspective. This builds trust and lowers tension.
• Stay calm and steady. Use relaxed body language and a composed tone. This helps keep the conversation productive.
• Clarify understanding. Paraphrase what the other person says to ensure shared understanding and avoid confusion.
• Be specific. Give clear feedback and offer practical suggestions. Avoid vague or general language.
• Focus on shared goals. Frame the conversation as a joint effort toward improvement, not a confrontation.
• Follow up. Check in after the conversation to review progress and offer further support. This reinforces trust and shows commitment to growth.

Difficult conversations aren’t easy—but with preparation and the right mindset, they can be respectful, helpful, and even relationship-strengthening. By using these strategies and staying focused on solutions, you’ll become more confident and effective in managing challenging situations.

References

References are at the end of this chapter.